Am scared

I hope for the better tomorrow but what if does not. What it it turns other way around. I am scared.

I always hoped for a better things, I can't say I haven't got those, but sometime things do go wrong. The biggest hope I had in life is a fail. Things went to unspeakable. Its the unseen and untold truth.

How did that happened , I question my self every day , Why and how ... .... The decision I made is suppose to give me / make me happy. but why I am not happy. 

Sometimes I question to my self , should I live in the moments, There are moments which are just Joy and happy and  . .. i don't have  a word for that. But those joyful moments are over shadow by some sorrow moments. I have no idea whether those moments are the truth or an art or a dream I have seen. who knows the truth....

They say stop worrying about things and enjoy the moment. but what those memories of moments are a lie. It scares me so much not knowing the truth back then and also not knowing now also. 

Those memories I want to cherries have a  dark shadow. Every time I remember those moments at first  its happy but you think little bit deep its sadness. 

Right now am scared of my dream and hopes. Don't wanna dream so high/ have high hopes but its in our nature to dream and hope.

Like vis life goes on. . . 

Happy Birth Day to me

Today wa  My  . . .  Birth day . Happy birth day to be.
Birth day tags : 
THank you Iffi Shaa for being the 1st to wish , then 2nd Fathymath Aanee and 3rd Lew Liyoo
THank you all for wishing me on FB.
THank You Shuaxo De Loki Odinson for the cake.
THank you FARUBADHA for the non-surprise , surprise and the effort you guys put in.
Thank You Purins Dewil Rips and Raathu for the gift.
Thanks all the family members for the lovely wishes.
Thanks Orlando Boo for the best gift u have given and you will be giving.
♥♥♥ LOVE You All ♥♥♥

Perfect becoming Imperfect

7 years ago  i met the perfect person for me to fall in love with. I fell for his really hard. He was the perfect guy. Look wise he is the dream boy of my life. Personally, he is funny and so caring to every one. He helps people. We were awsome together , we talk , we laugh , we joke,  We fight but we deal with it we had  good times together. It was best time of my life. I see my perfect man with me. He loves me and i love him. What else I need. 

Life has a funny way of turning things up. I thought Nothing will come between us because we love each other.  but during the 7 years  together ,  big big bombs went on. It hurts so much, not physically but to the soul and mind / heart .  I had wounds  but again he made the pain go away. He was always there to save me. Like wise I was there for him. I kept Our relationship going when he mess things up. 

but now nothing is the same , he is the reason for the situation. Now he can't be the saver .He need to be saved from his own life. I am there for him but I can't be always there for him. Right now its not only Love which keeps us together. Responsibilities has bundled, life is more complicate now. There are peoples who looks at us like spy's . Just to see what we are doing wrong. He together have to show them we are perfect with each other. 

but Those perfection is gone now, I see things which Ignored before , as a clear thing and an important thing. More mess and more Messed up things makes my life harder. He is suppose to be the one making life easy for us but NO ....................

"Someone once said, “Relationships are worth fighting for but sometimes you can’t be the only one fighting. Sometimes, people need to fight for you.”" -  thecolorsofmysoul.com

Like this the perfect is becoming Imperfect

I pray to Allah " He get his life together and become the person I want him to be. I wish He get the life he wants to have with me. I know he have plans for Us. I wish Allah gives his courage and will to deal with his life and turn it to a happy life with me" Insha Allah 

The wishes which haven't come true yet .. . . .

I wish

- My husband to take all the tension away from me and take all the responsibilities to his shoulder.

- My husband to wake  up early morning go for a break fast with me. 

- My husband to take me to exotic places. 

- My husband to give me surprises.

- Us to do unexpected thing ,like being spontaneous. 

- Us to do go for trips , rides , Dinners , fishing and many more. 

- Am the First priority in his life.

- Most of all i want him , the normal him.

I have seen most of this, but it wasn't in its best way , or  i have seen it long time ago. 

As a husband i wish he do all this for me. 

The life we planed for us is very very far away . We need to do so much to go there. I am trying so hard to reach there   , so i wish he also hold my hand and start the journey with me.

.........

There is a say " Life is an exam".  Where you have no idea whether your passing or failing. We think when things get better or if we got success in what we were doing that's a pass. But in real these exams never finish. One thing after another keeps on coming. In addition to these we have other people's say in everything we do.
I just can't accept other people interfering my life. Damn.

Believe

"Believe" is a wired thing. We believe what we wants to believe, we see what we want to see.
When we believe on some thing or person we become blind to others.
If things go against our believe we won't accept it. We think what we believe is the truth or reality.
Some time i feel so  confused., how come i was that blind. Things happened in front of me. There were all the sign,  but i wasn't ready to accept it, cos i believed that will not happen.
Sometime we trust some ppl so much , that we even don't know that person has broken the trust or did something against the trust, its because we believe our trust is right .

"Believe,  trust,  Love "  i have no word to explain them. . .

I should have

Now a days there are times i feel that i should have done this and that when i had the chance.

So it is true that,  we make our own future,  the decision we make now will be our future,

Whether its bad or good we have to deal with , what we have decided.
The present we have is because of the decision we made before.

I have made some very good decisions and also somewhat bad decisions. I am dealing with them.  its tough.

The very morning

http://instagr.am/p/REMrwWy-gm/

what a change ...?

I spend hrs reading blogs and finally decided to read my own blog. The  past , back in 2008.
What a lady i was . . .
So much excitements, so much joy . . .
Most of the writing was a complain or some thing going bad or a sad story , But the way i wrote it , WoW . exciting ...
I am not expert or any thing  . .. but i heard  people say " the writing tell some thing about the writer"
I was different back them . Over emotional , Over joy , Over exciting  . . .Totally different grl.
I read my First poet type of writing which i wrote because my Best frnd/ roommate . We had a fight and the not talking thing went way too long.
I still remember that when started talking our relationship was far more firm and Strong . Still it is.. Even thought we are in 2 continental.. She does not show her feelings much , but i know we are still close frnds.

now am thinking . .. . . .
whether to bring that grl back o stay the way i am now, ( Serious, always responsible on shoulder, thinking too hard about the impact of an action , damn. . to tell you the truth now i am afraid , dont know why and what am afraid of but yea... sure am )

Obsessed .

Now a day's my mind is filled with a thought which i can't share here.
It is driving me crazy .
Ever thing  i think of doing ends up one point, from there no i can't do this until i get this done.
The funny part doing that is not in my hands.  Somebody else have to do that .
After that i get a chance to carry on , or stuffs i plan to do.

I am just living the day to day life like " Yes!! lets carry on , Today might be a lucky day o Might end up in same old spot"

Even though things get stuck , life does not stops. Times goes on followed by days and weeks and months , so does life.

Thinking does not even give a different choice o opinions, Thinking does not even change the fact. but it gives you headache and take away your smile . Some cases thinking gives you a solution , but this time  thinking is not helping at all .

If only am in the wheel ( hungaani) of this  car or vessel  which i am planing to ride.